I was standing in the shoe room where I'd left it to charge. I was on a silent retreat for the past seven days. The retreat was over, silence broken and I had it back. It belonged here by the dirt and dust of worn out shoes for all I was concerned.
I have a difficult relationship with it like an ex you want to hear from from know it won't be good for you. Every time I picked it up I felt that twinge of rotten that continuous senseless joy seeking gives a person after a while. Constant scrolling, texting, email checking was making me feel like there was a big hole in my heart that could never be filled. Bottomless Instagram and Facebook feeds were designed to and made me feel desperate for more.
I had zero misgivings about putting it in that plastic bag and ceremoniously placing it in a basket in front of 100 people to be kept in the office.
Now I had it back and reluctantly charged it. As I waited for the stream of texts to appear, the jolt of anxiety up to my heart was undeniable compared to the nice calm feelings I had cultivated all week long.
Today marks one week and one day since I've had the little bastard back.
But, it's better because I made it black and white. It doesn't have the same allure as it did with it's unrealistically beautiful colors.
Yeah, I am texting and emailing. How does a person not do this in today's culture? But I am not playing Dots anymore. I can't really play without the colors. I am not on Instagram for now. I like my life without color so far.